Friday, December 16, 2005

ISO: instructions for shit assemblage.

Sorry, Countdown. We've all been sick 'round here. I've been having migraines for the first time in my life. Yesterday I went to the medicine cabinet to take two Wal-Profen and absentmindedly took two Prozac instead, on top of my daily dose. That may explain my motivation this a.m. to get this done, so here's your meme. It was mostly gleaned from the 99 things list, don't know if it'll be all that interesting:

Fact one: Two of my toes are webbed. No lie.

Fact two: I share a birthday with Mister Former President William Jefferson Clinton Esquire.

Fact three:
One of my ex-boyfriends once pissed on Jacques Derrida's shoe. There are witnesses.

Fact four:
When I was eleven, my mother cuffed me on the back of the head for referring to eggs as "chicken periods" in the grocery store. I think of it nearly every time I make Cedra a toad-in-the-hole.

Fact five:
Once there was this beautiful seven story Haussmannian luxury apartment building in Paris. I set it on fire.

Fact six:
My huz made my wedding ring. It involved tying the mold to a string and spinning it above his head for a long, long time. About two months ago I took it off and threw it across our bedroom. I didn't find it for two weeks.

Fact seven:
I smuggled a rabbit out of Guatemala in my pants. He was in a fish aquarium in front of a pet store next to our hotel in Antiqua, with about twenty other rabbits. I just had to save him. We smuggled him across four borders and on two international flights, plus a third flight from Houston to SF. He rode in my backback, except through customs. Then he was in my pants. Yes, this was post-9/11.

Fact eight:
Michael once gave me petrified sloth dung for my birthday. We were living in Oregon at the time, and it's like the state rock there or something.

Fact nine:
As I type, Cedra is lifting up my shirt and chanting "Neh-nehs! Neh-nehs! Yah, yah, yah!" Neh-nehs are household vernacular for breasts.

Fact ten: My mother-in-law is taking us to Cirque de Soleil tonight, then we're gathering at her house to celebrate Solstice. snort. The MIL has claimed Solstice as her holiday, since we're always somewhere else for Thanksgiving-Hanukkah-Spendmas-New Years. No, Solstice isn't until the 21st, but we'll be in Oklahoma then. They're not into Solstice yonder. I'm hoping this will feel like the shortest day of the year, regardless.