mother-scratcher

Saturday, January 01, 2005

99 things...

I started this blog in January 2005 without much in the way of explanation. I didn't actually publish it for six months. In retrospect, I wonder if a little personal background might be helpful to the reader, and I offer what seems to be the requisite "## things about me" blog entry. I'm pre-dating this post to the beginning of my blog, it was actually published July 10, 2005. Here y'are:


Three things about this blog you should know: The only computer I have access to is a huge-screened Mac; this may be the explanation if my blog looks like crap on your PC (but please let me know anyway, and I’ll try to tweak it.) I often finish a post days or weeks after it was begun, and the post date may reflect either. If I link to your blog don't feel I expect you to link to mine.

Three screen names I've had: Narcissa (the defunct HipMama boards); Llamaschool (Craigslist); kimchilla.

Three things I like about myself: I’m shy, but then I shock new acquaintances by being blunt and smart-assed. I can hold a grudge forever, don’t even try me. I am a good enough mother.

Three things I don't like about myself: I pick the hairs out of my legs with tweezers as a compulsive tic, so they look like I have the plague. I sublimate my anger at the world onto my husband. My bedroom is and has always been a mess.

Three parts of my heritage: French, assorted Anglo Saxon, Native American; or, as they proudly still say in Oklahoma, “Indian.” My CDIB card says I’m 1/8 Cherokee, but there’s some Creek in here too.

Three things that scare me: Talking to salespeople. Talking to the bank teller. Unexpected phone calls.

Three of my everyday essentials: A bath--ALONE. A nap. Cheap wine.

Three things I am wearing right now: Capris from Target that I dyed because I didn’t like the color. A cuffed T-shirt I stole from my brother. Expensive shoes.

Three things I want to do badly right now:
Eat Petits Ecoliers and from Trader Joe's and drink grapefruit soda; Read a book while eating Petits Ecoliers and drinking grapefruit soda; Hear no whining for cookies or cheese while eating Petits Ecoliers and drinking grapefruit soda.

Three of my favorite songs: (varies daily; today): Papa Was A Rodeo (The Magnetic Fields); Too Much Pork For Just One Fork (Southern Culture On the Skids); Big River (Johnny Cash)

Things I want in a relationship: Big dorky glasses. Three kids. A mother-in-law with a house in France.

Two truths and a lie: Two of my toes are webbed. I smuggled a rabbit out of Guatemala in my pants. I think 100% of NPR’s programming is just great, it’s not pretentious at all.

Three places I want to go on vacation: France, always. And Brazil, and India.

Three places I’ve lived that I loved: Paris; San Francisco; Quintana Roo, Mexico

Three places I’ve lived that I hated: Portland, Oregon and Clermont-Ferrand, France; no offense to the locals—the people were great, the weather sucked. And McMinnville, Tennessee; the weather was fine, the people sucked.

Three places I’m embarrassed to have never visited: New York, Washington DC, Israel.

Three celeb crushes: Steven Colbert. Ted from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Mo Rocca.

Three brushes with fame: My ex-boyfriend once pissed on Jacques Derrida's shoe; there are witnesses. One of the individuals on my celebrity crushes list once hit on my husband IRL. It wasn't Ted. In 11th grade I dreamed the current Elite Supermodel (1986) Renee Simonsen, who was at the time living with Duran Duran's John Taylor, stabbed me to death in a jealous rage. Six years later my BFF from high school met her in Denmark and told her, and they called me (drunk) to laugh about it.

Three people I’d like to cuff on the back of the head: George Walker Bush. William Jefferson Clinton. George Herbert Walker Bush.

Three people I admire: Hillary Clinton, I don't care what you say. My brother John, who tells it like it is. My paternal grandmother, who didn't kill herself as planned after she outlived the 3rd of her three children.

Three things I just can't do: Two-Step. Roll my Rs. Roll up the sides of my tongue.

Three kids' names, female, that I thought about using but didn't: Narcissa, Lilith, Salome

Three kids names, male, that I thought about using but didn't because I didn’t have any boys: Felix, Max, Lex. Don’t know what it is with x names. And no, it has nothing to do with secks.

Three things I didn’t think I’d do as a mother that I do regularly: She sucks a Nuk-Nuk at night. She watches Les Teletubbies. I give her cookies so she’ll shut up and leave me alone.

Three things I regret: I slept with a professor in graduate school. I dropped out of the program with a 4.0 and one class to go when he started making my life miserable. I never resumed my education.

Three habits I’d like to drop: The leg picking (see above). Saying “cotton pickin’,” as I grew up in Oklahoma and honestly never knew it could be considered a racial slur. I drink Diet coke on the sly.

Three accomplishments I’m smug about: My French is excellent. I play classical guitar, and my Leyenda rocks for an amateur. My baby is the very cutest.

Three jobs I’ve held: French/English Instructor, Nurse’s Aide in a home for the elderly, academic grant management

Three ways I am stereotypically a boy: I don't take criticism well; If I bathe every day that's enough of a grooming routine, hair fixin' and make-up application aren't going to happen; I want a big ol' pleaser.

Three ways I am stereotypically a girl: I usually wear skirts; I'm a crybaby; I want a big ol' pleaser.

Three very personal things I wouldn't tell you if I met you IRL: When I lived in Portland I suffered from seasonal depression so badly that I used to drive out to the suburbs to tan in a tanning bed at a tacky salon, just to experience the warmth and bright light. I drink Diet Coke to wake myself up in the morning, then force myself to vomit it up; I don't display any other signs of bulimia. I don't like anal sex, I don't care how trendy it is.

Three things I want to do before I die: Apologize to a crapload of people. See my grandchildren. Learn to cook.

1 Comments:

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